Depression

“How did I get here?”

Donna* knows she loves her family… but she still feels disconnected from them.

It all started out with a promise – following the “yellow-brick road” to happiness, getting married at the right time, at the right place, and to the right person.

Then life happened. Donna’s supposed to be happy. At times she’s enjoying her life; but more often, she’s feeling lost and listless.

Nothing seems to matter…

Mark* goes to work every day, comes home, and everything’s grey.

His kids see through him. His wife is caught up in the day-to-day and basically tells him he’s not doing enough to help.

The problem is, he doesn’t seem to really care that much.

“Just tell me what to do.”

“I don’t want to talk…”

 “… there’s nothing in my head it seems.”

When people ask Jess* how she’s doing, she says, “Fine” and keeps walking.

She’s not interested in sharing her life. She watches other people being happy, and she somehow remembers being that way at some point… “or was I?”

“What can I take to make it go away?”

Mike’s* not sure this medication works, and the side effects aren’t helping. He’s tired of believing in the next thing.

He gets himself up to try new things that are supposed to help, like joining the gym, taking walks, eating healthy. But weeks later, he’s back where he started.

“I know what to do; I’m just not motivated to do it.”

Lots of us have been there…

I have… and millions of others have, too, to varying degrees.

Depression is one of the fastest growing ailments in the world (despite the proliferation of antidepressants over the years). 

There has been an increase in the number of pharmaceutical options available. There is ample evidence that rates of depression and suicide continue to increase.

Depression is a complex problem.

And, in most cases, there’s more than one factor that contributes to the experience of depression.

It’s always a good idea to get some blood work done if you haven’t had it analyzed recently and you’re experiencing depression. This would be one way to see if there is a need to address any biological factors that contribute to depression.

There are also environmental factors and social factors. They can include where you work and the people you spend time with, including your family.

Internal psychological factors are the focus of therapy – how you decide what is relevant information to absorb, meaning how to handle positive or negative feedback life gives you. What you believe about yourself and others will also have a strong influence on how you experience life.

To complicate matters, because of the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness associated with depression, less than a quarter of depression sufferers seek help, because they don’t believe it’s going to make a difference.

Why do we get depressed? It depends…

Some of us go too far inward to deal with unsettling events that happen. We use our feelings too readily and give them too much credibility – thinking that when it feels like someone hates you, you know it’s true.

If someone rejects an idea or suggestion, it hurts. You feel bad, therefore that person hates you – acting in a manner that reflects this leads to further isolation and reinforces the feeling of not being good enough.

Some of us ruminate about past events that were negative. We generate the thought, “I’ll never be able to because I never have.”

Overgeneralized thinking is what makes issues seem so big that they can’t be handled. It’s what leads people to feel overwhelmed and paralyzed into inaction.

 “All I want is to be happy.”

A goal without steps is merely a wish.

Understanding expectations…

Our expectations are the filter for how we charge everything.

We judge self and others based on how well we/they match our expectations; what if expectations are unrealistic?

How much of depression is caused by hurtful relationships, including with self?

I often ask people what got them to seek help now. The first sign of trouble is not typically when people seek help; it’s more often when things get unmanageable. They’re late to work more often, suicidal thoughts are more pervasive, the recent relationship is done or about to be done, or they have failed classes. Sometimes, it was a conversation with a friend who suggested therapy could help.

It’s never too late to get help. Your situation isn’t permanent if you’re still alive.

Traditional treatment certainly has its limitations.

If you often feel depressed, I suggest a few things to open the door for change.

Get a thorough physical. There isn’t a test for a chemical imbalance in the brain, but you can get some blood work done, meaning tested for anemia, thyroid issues, blood sugar issues, and other hormone levels like testosterone.

Avoid alcohol; it’s a depressant. After its initial buzz, alcohol will increase your crappy feelings.

Strive to learn about your vulnerabilities and develop ways to manage them. If watching a sad movie puts you into a tailspin, try some other form of entertainment. Observe other media you are consuming and assess how it’s affecting you. Make appropriate changes where necessary.

Learn to distinguish facts from feelings and beliefs from facts.

Strive to sleep well. Is your sleeping area designed to help you sleep, or do you have books by your bed and are you reading from your phone in bed? Stop that. Establish a routine for sleep. Challenge yourself with the question, “How do I know?”

Find your meaning/sense of purpose. This is a big one, and you probably would benefit from talking through this one. I love helping people establish and strengthen their sense of purpose. It helps in so many ways.

Strengthen healthy emotional connections where possible. Even if it’s little ones with people you work with. You don’t have to have an awesome relationship with everyone in your family for this to count in your favor.

Exercise. It has a treatment success rate that matches antidepressant medications and has a lower relapse rate… not to mention the lack of negative side-effects associated with antidepressants.

A better solution gets to the heart of what ails you…

What if I told you some of the most successful therapies for depression DON’T examine childhood?

Your childhood does affect you in many ways, but the skills you develop now can help you handle how you enjoy life in the future. Being more aware of how you decide what thoughts to pay attention to and use goes a long way in being able to manage feelings.

Part of the problem with those of us who suffer from depression is that the way we have learned to make meaning out of our lives hurts us. This can be as simple as holding onto unrealistic expectations in a relationship. It can be how we interpret someone not responding to a text right away. Does it mean they don’t like us, or could it possibly mean something else?

Ruminating and analyzing WORKS AGAINST our getting better. Action is what helps people get better.

What is helpful for many people is learning a new skill of interpreting stressful events.

For instance, if you were laid off from a job you love – your supervisor always gave you good feedback, and you put a lot of energy into your projects/responsibilities.

You could come away from that experience with the idea that getting another full-time job is scary, and you never know what can happen; and that no matter how hard you try, it’s never going to be good enough.

Or, you look at the facts. The company you worked for was bought out, new management came in and didn’t appreciate your efforts, you were one of the newer hires, and they cut costs by cutting you. This is no reflection on your value; therefore, you can focus on your effort and the relationships you can establish in your new job.

At the very least, I can help you see other possibilities than the negative ones you might be more adept at thinking currently.

Imagine that the depression that plagues you is not invincible.

When I help you with depression, it becomes clearer how you interpret stressors, setbacks, and disappointments so that the pain is temporary and manageable, because you now believe the truth about yourself instead of the garbage lies you consumed for who knows how long.

Imagine now that you believe the truth and are able to receive compliments. Not only that, when someone rejects you, it’s a bummer instead of devastating.

You now have the power to talk yourself out of the negative thoughts, and the feelings don’t consume you. They’re temporary. How has it changed?

You now believe the truth that you are lovable, that you are good enough, and you are on your way. You can now manage the ups and downs of life instead of trying to recover from them.

The light is out there.

When you’re ready for a new experience that can lead you to see and feel hope, reach out to me.

Wherever you are in your journey… no matter how dark… I’m ready to listen.

The life that you want most is available to you!